Yes We Can!

Rich or poor. Democrat or Republican. White or black. Regardless of your disposition the undeniable fact remains that Barack Obama is now the president elect of the United States of America. The culmination of hundreds of years of ridicule, prosecution, and insurmountable adversity Barack Obama has surpassed the hope of countless others before him and will inspire countless others who will follow after him.

Personally it was humbling and touching to see such a monumental event unfold before my eyes to say I was a part of history in America. My generation's "March on Washington" will happen on January 20th when we officially usher in our first black family. I plan to be there. :)

WTF

I have absolutely no words....real life is way funnier than fiction case in point



Now check out the spoof.....check out her response to the "bailout" question...

PSA....

The Great Schlep from The Great Schlep on Vimeo.

Jewel #7

Pride and love can't occupy the same space. If you have one....the other can not survive. No matter how much you think or feel it, you are only lying to yourself. And if you do have pride living in the same house with love.....then "true" love has never been a guest.

The Secret of Love

How do you know when you are in love with a person? Simple. When you are willing to pull, kill, dump, obliterate, dissolve and push your pride to the side when it stands in the way of getting to that other person. You use one to measure the other......

QUOTE OF THE DAY

"To make a woman happy tell her what she wants to hear. To make yourself happy tell a woman the truth. Hopefully........you only have to speak once...."

- the author of this blog

Today

I was in the subway this morning and I saw this advertisement. I thought to myself: if you can read this advertisement.....well probably you don't need the service. I'm not a marketing genius....but seems kind of obvious to me how irrelevant it would be to put up a sign for English....IN ENGLISH.

If it said Learn English BETTER, I could understand. Better implies you have a grasp already and you would like to enhance what you already know about the English language. But if you can't speak a lick of English chances are you don't read it either. I highly doubt the immigrant population of New York read the Times every morning and then struggle to communication to their boss about their shitty paychecks.

Is it just me?

I mention this because I think sometimes we over look obvious things in pursuit of the bigger picture. Not realizing just how important the small details are. You have to remember who you are doing things for. If they are for yourself well then you can't let other people influence that. And if they are for other people, well you can't impose what you think on them.

It isn't an easy line to walk on but one that you have to try and balance on. Life is too exhausting as it is and wasting the wrong energy in the right place or the vice versa isn't something i would recommend to anyone.

Happy Monday- Now you know

LOL.....nuff said.

Things that make you go Hmmmmm?

If one's of women's biggest gripes with men is cheating. Why is it that a woman, if attracted to a man who is already in a relationship, won't congratulate the fact that he just turned down her sexual advances???? Isn't he doing the right thing? Well isn't he?.........

The 8th Wonder; Woman

Psssst! Psssst! Hey you! Yeah you reading this blog! Wanna know something? Like something HUGE? Lean closer. Closer. Closer...guess what?............YOU WILL GO BLIND TRYING TO READ AT THIS DISTANCE BACK UP MORON!!!!

Laugh. Sorry just kidding, I couldn't help myself. What I really wanted to let you in on is a little secret I have discovered about the opposite sex: they are human. Yes! They bleed just like us men!

you are on your first date with a the beautiful girl you met at a random get together at a friend's house. She is smart, funny and has an amazing body! Score! You might have found "the one" (whatever THAT means). But wait.....did you floss? Is that funk you smell? Is your deodorant working? OMG, these shoes are from 2000!....She will clearly see through your cover! You aren't this cool! Not at all! What if she finds out you are a schmuck like the rest of us?

Relax dude. Dating tip 4080: women are schmucks to. And I mean she is just as nervous on the date as you are. Women are very self conscience about themselves, what they where and how they are precived. But then again most of us are. Women are just known for it more. The trick the female race has learned through the ages however is how to mask this almost flawlessly as so you [dumb male that you are] would never be able to detect when a woman is actually uncomfortable and feeling arkward.

When you two meet up she is looking for interesting things to say the same as you are. She is checking to see if her breasts are visable enough so that you notice but not out to the point you think she is a slut. Look at a woman's outfit thought goes into it. Trust me. If she looks like a slob that just rolled out of bed that was carefully put together as well....means she probably doesn't give a flying rat's ass if you notice her "rack" or not because you are probably on your last date with her.

However on the flip side if you see her hair looks particularly shiny and neat.....well it is because she probably got it done ON PURPOSE to see you. Feel special. Women HATE wasting 1. a good hairdo and 2. a good outfit on someone who is boring and has spinach stuck in his teeth. Please avoid being this guy at all costs.

All costs.

But remember in the back of your mind, she is nervous to. She is wondering if her dress is too high, cute enough, if you will notice. Man listen notice EVERYTHING hair, nails, bag, shoes, dress, and the scent she wears. She, just like you, is out to empress. So don't think the entire date/night out/ chill session is about impressing her. Have some confidence in yourself she has to impress you as well. Think of it like a job interview, when you interview a lot of times you are so desperate for a job you just want them to hire you so you can pay a bill. But an interview is a chance for you to ask THEM questions as well and see, well basically, if you would vibe well working there. Do they do summer fridays? How big were last year's profit margins? Where does the company see itself in 5 years? Is that where you see yourself? If no......well u got to find another place to interview.

See we get so caught up with just getting a job, we don't do the due diligence necessary to get a job with the right fit.

Funny thing is when you have another job already lined up you would actually ask these questions.....you aren't desperate and you know they must want you. So you baragin if you can.

But lets stop the analogy here......lol

So going forward don't fret she; is sweating just like you are.

He-motions

Sorry guys I am in bit of a somber mood today so I am going to vent. Hopefully an idea will materialize from my ramblings.

Ever hear this story: "Young mother throws baby out of window" or "Man beat daughter's mother up in a domestic violence."

Usually, at least for me, when hearing those stories I would become disgusted. "How could someone do that?" What could it have been THAT bad you want to throw a baby out or hit someone in the face with a bat? Life has since took a pair of rusty needle nose pliers and snatched open my eyelids. Case in point.....

Average joe works hard. He has avoided drugs, alcohol and jail by doing what he was told to do and believing that life will give him what he deserves. He graduates, he finds a job and he has a car. Great? huh? Enter beautiful woman: now the scenario is really complete. Good girlfriend, possibly marriage life is sweeet! Life is a bitch. Be clear.

So apparently average joe buys her a ring and does what he can for their dream wedding. They are married, she becomes pregnant. Joe jr is a bundle of joy. Everything is good. Joe loses his job. All of a sudden when things are a little tight Ms. Joe is angry; her life style has become a little stretched. Joe is still a good guy and works hard. He isn't finding a job fast enough and the baby is constantly crying. Joe argues with his perfect wife. He still sacrifices to get her whatever she wants, she is still beautiful. They still argue. He becomes a "worthless piece of shit" who can't do for him or the baby. Woah! When did this happen?

Joe then finds out she has been having sex in his house with someone else. Apparently joe wasn't satisfying her? Joe comes home to find divorce papers on his kitchen table and a letter stating he needs to leave the house he bought. He doesn't see Joe. jr and after a week of not living there walks into the kitchen after picking up mail to see her young lover making breakfast for his sexual temptress who is still upstairs sleeping.......

What would you do? Bat to the face? Walk away? Send a scathing letter to match.com for giving Joe an undercover whore?

Second scenario....

Young girl is dating. Things are fine. She is in school and has had a great time. Loves her boyfriend. Mother and family support her. She is having sex. She is partying. She is enjoying college life. Ooops! Condom breaks. No biggie this is what clinic's are for: there is a medical complication she didn't anticipate. She realizes aborting the baby my cause another issue that is life threatening. Boyfriend loves her...but fatherhood isn't in the 4 year plan.

Motherhood happens. School stops. It is alright though, countless other women have gone through and dealt with this issue. She is strong enough to as well. Boyfriend said he will support. But they are both jobless and with no degree. She drops out. She won't burden him. She'll come back to school a few months after the baby is born. Pregnancy is tough alone. She is a mommy. She loves her child. She comes home......then the crying starts. She gets email about spring break, she can't go. She looks at her dresses. She can't fit them. She sees stretch marks. The baby will not stop crying. Her parents don't approve and offer little help. Only one friend really stops by. The others are out partying, drinking, having sex, being her 10 months ago. The baby keeps crying.
Pampers are expensive. So is rent. Can't afford food this week AND a crib. The baby will sleep with her. How do you sleep with a newborn in the bed......where is the chapter on that?
The crying keeps her up all night. She screams now. It doesn't stop. School called and bursar wants money. Her degree is on the line. Where did her future go? The baby WILL NOT STOP SCREAMING......

what do you do? Walk away? What if you have done that 3 times already...the baby is super small....helpless....and the window is open. Her life is right outside that window......what would you do?

Sorry to be so morbid but each scenario is real. They happen everyday. And everyday people try to deal with them. Aforementioned with the girl and child I wrote about because I think that is the only example of a woman letting her emotions get the best of her that is looked down upon. In almost any other instance, people push the blame away from her. Motherhood, the proverbial rite of every woman is something they innately should just KNOW how to handle. And handle well, it is in their DNA after all! And if they don't know how to handle it then there is something completely off with their make up. They fucked up somewhere and didn't tell anybody.

As far as Joe.....well he is a man. And he should not have hit that woman in the face with a bat! He should have better control over his emotions! Right? He is a man and he is stronger than a woman, who is vulnerable. He should have known better! How dare her trust her so blindly! Believe in life to completely!

Now I don't want to turn anyone off to the blissful joys of marriage or children. I am just trying to clearly make a point about emotions and life situations. Sometimes things will happen to you that will seem completely unbearable. Un-reasonable or un-believable. And as a man or rather a person if you aren't all there emotionally it can drive you to become another person completely or do things which are out of character. In each case I just described no one seemed crazy or violent. They just got pushed to the point where they saw their only option was to lash out . You got work on the inside as well as the outside when you develop as a person and a man.

Many times we (as men) are taught emotions are for wimps. That is false. We have them. And in some regards they run deeper than woman's because we aren't taught ways to express them. If someone isn't emotionally stable and they are put in either situation it could be volcanic. And would you blame them? Are you any better? It is hard to imagine unless you put yourself in their shoes. Know what it feels like to really be at your wits end........

If you are emotionally sound to the point you think you could handle either situation better, then consider yourself lucky and blessed. But remember a lot of people aren't that lucky. Everybody can have children and get married. I don't believe everyone can handle it the way they think they can. Know yourself. Know your limitations. And know the limitations of others.

Now when you hear those stories...........pray for those people......

[can you tell im going to talk about spirituality in my next blog? LMAO]

Im Da Shiiiit.

It happened: you ate the mystery meat in the cafeteria at work. It sorta looked like tacos but now your lower intestines are sorta mad with you. The fourth grade wiggle dance, once a sure fire way to avoid eminent disaster, is now only making a bad situation turn to shit, fast! [pun intended]
However as a grown ass adult over the age of 25 you expect the natural reaction to using the urinals in your office to mimic other similar adult behavior. [schmuck!]

Long story short you walk out of the bathroom and get one of these stares:


And you in turn feel dirty. You did something bad. Why couldn't that stalls have been empty and YOU could have been the one to walk out and shake your head in disapproval at the disgusting human being that blew it up right BEFORE you came in here. How could someone do that? Shit? In a bathroom? Who does that?

Everybody. Get over yourself buddy. The thing about maturity is that it starts with you. If you start acting mature then you will be surprised at the people around you who in turn do so as well. Of course you don't want to sit in a bathroom hearing all types of interesting sounds for 30 mins. BUT it is a human function EVERYONE does. Even her:


Yes fellas even she gets bubble guts every now and again. So my point? As a man and a mature adult, why would you scoff at someone or something you know you yourself do as well? See someone with their fly unzipped? Please just stop them and let them know "Hey man...might want to take care of that..." rather than poking your buddy and having a private laugh. It has happened to you and you know how embarrassing YOU felt.

Now if you see a woman with her underwear showing you can tell her at your own discretion (just kidding, sorta).

Man Hood.

Forgive me for my mistakes, Im still a kid learning the responsibility of being an adult
- author unknown

Happy Monday. Just wanted to make a few comments on this quote I got from a random picture. Made me think of something not to many people seem to want to realize: you are NOT perfect. Yes I said it. You will most undoubtedly FUCK SHIT UP. You turd!

But now knowing this, i would hope some of the pressure you put on yourself to orchestra all of your movements around this idea that "I don't wanna make a mistake". You will drive yourself literally insane. You are expected as a man to be:

1. "strong"
2. silent
3. Immune to emotional attacks on your character
4. Be able to fix stuff
5. unafraid of any bug, mouse, vermin or insect that walks the earth
6. own a car
7. Know what a woman wants at any given moment
8. be sensitive but not a punk
9. never get shown up by another guy ESP. in front of a girl ESP. YOUR own girl
10. etc, etc, etc, etc, etc,......

Of course I could write this list for hours, but you get the gist. You will or have broken one of these cardinal rules. And if you haven't....it isn't even 8am yet. Im sure by lunch you'll do the deed. The thing is not to be crippled by it. You need to embrace your faults and shortcummings as they are part of the stew that makes you who you are. Ignoring them doesn't really do much for them working for you. You have to embrace ALL of you before others do.

When you realize you aren't perfect you will take the pressure off your shoulders to become Jay Z or Vin Diesel or whomever else is personified as what guys should shoot for these days. You will realize that those goals are a bit unrealistic seeing as you aren't an amazing MC or [insert adjective for Vin Diesel's talents]. And that frankly is ok. You will mess up every now and again and that is ok as well. As long as you learn from the mistake. That is the hard part. If you don't learn then you are doomed to repeat whatever fuck up you stepped in today.

Here's a trick i learned: learn from the mistakes other people have made.....helps you save time and energy....like cliff notes...for your life...

Always push yourself. Never doubt yourself. Know the difference.

Random Thought of the Day

So if you are from New York Fucking City [like I am] then you will be able to relate to the following statement: "How long should I wait before I run this red light?"

If you happen to be from a part of America where mailboxes do not close with lock and key but rather by a small metal flag switching from a vertical to horizontal position this may or may not be a concept you grasp right away. I will explain: As a city that ever sleeps the social atmosphere of New York is alive and teeming at any given moment. It is very likely at 3 o'clock in the morning to be walking down a Manhattan Ave and see a stretched luxury car with a celebrity in the back seat on the same mission for late night pizza that you are.

Usually when the viral injection of the New York club scene has left your body, you climb into your car to make the big escape from the island.

Now at 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning the streets of most cities in America are deserted. In the dirty veins of the rotten apple you can very well run into bumper to bumper traffic, sit for 45 mins and miss your exit to go home after the midnight hour. Then there is the dilemma;
What happens when you pull up to a red light, no cars for at least half a mile in any direction and the light has been red for at least 3 minutes?

[Ed Note: New york is probably the most impatient lot of people on the planet. We move at the speed of people here. Ironically trains and buses are never on time, which is probably part of the reason so many New Yorkers always seem highly agitated. So waiting 3 minutes for a light to change, outside of bumper to bumper traffic is the equivalent to a whole game of golf on TV....you kind of want it to hurry along]

What do you do? Do you run it? Do you wait for your turn? Do you wait for the green light, the proverbial signal that it is the right time to go? You can get home that much faster and quicker. You need to sleep and rest. You need to get home and out of these streets. You have liquor in your system and you are hungry and this red light is a hindrance. The thing is your moral code dictates to you that running a red light is wrong, against the law [because it is].

But then you rationalize it in your head and you think no one is even around, i can get away with it; and you do it. You run the red light and catch the other green in the distance, making your way home. However when you look in your rear view mirror the flash of red lights interrupts your train of thought. Wait.....no! Yup, there was a patrol car waiting at that corner for you. At that corner with the delayed traffic light that they know impatient New Yorkers will try to run after midnight. You take one last glance in your rear view only to see a small sphere of green floating above the street. If you had just waited a little while longer you would have been fine! You were just a little impatient. You just had to wait it out a little bit longer. Now your 45 seconds of impatience will cost you points on your license, a ticket and possibly jail time if this cop decides to check for the 2 or 3 corona hiding on your palette. Was it worth it?


Ah! Here in lies the question and the meat (pause) of today's blog. No it wasn't worth it. An although most times you probably would have made it home safe beating the red light. The fact remains that bad behavior leads to bad habits; the precursors for bad character or judgements there off. Just because the effects of something you did don't show up right then and there doesn't mean that they will never show up. I know sometimes you want to smash someone's head in, because they just disrespected you at work or home. Your girlfriend just said "you act like a little bitch" after an argument daring you to say/do something by not moving out of your way to the bedroom.

You can't run the red light....don't take the risk. Wait another minute or two before you react. We men are NOT conditioned to deal in emotions. When men get their buttons pushed we just lash out. It is simple, doesn't require much thinking or planning and gives instant gratification. We all love the quick pay off.

But again you never know what those actions will do in the long run. Don't run the red light. Wait another minute. I know it is difficult, you have to sit on your hands a lot. But this is the thing about being a man.....being a better man.....it isn't easy. It is HARD. (pause). Your character will be tested constantly by people you feel are less than you. The minute you break the law they win. If Will Smith met me and I called him a faggot and he punched me........ well I'd sue and try to date Jada (Sorry Will!). My life would probably continue pretty ok. He on the other hand would have to deal with negative press, accusations that he is a mean person not to mention the law suit I would win for assault. He felt good for that 45 secs he saw my nose bleeding, but was it all worth it?

What would it have been for him to look at me and smile and say "Well you look like one to and I still wouldn't date you..."? and walk away? Hmmm.....? Wouldn't I still be an asshole and he a megastar with over 40 million dollars in the bank? So who is really stupid?

Don't run the red light. Wait.

Again there are always exceptions to the rule. If you are bleeding and this stop at the light might cause you to die by all mean, no one will question that. If your child is hurt or something is wrong with them burn them muth@#$@* lights!!!!

But other than that, think about it. Really think about it. Is it worth it is a deicision you will always have to live with......

Once you get through that light and you look up you realize you are out of sync with all the other lights now....there will be 6 more lights ahead of you before you get home.....good luck.

Been a long time

I just want to apologize about the amount of time it has taken me to post a new blog. Been going through a lot lately. Shit has been really stressing me the fuck out and its been hard to concentrate. But that is no excuse. Writing every day is as much good for me as it is for you.

Wanted to give some advice to young fathers today. This is what has been on my mind as of late. There are many single mom's out there with absentee fathers not handling their responsibilities. If you are a man who is there for your children and is making sure you provide for them to the best of your abilities. Well then by all means you should be applauded.

Single mothers are probably the backbone of this Nation. Our next president (go Obhama!) was raised by a single mom. Just to show you the power a woman has. But this is not to take any light away from dads. If you are a dad, married, engaged, common law marriage or just waking up every morning and praying for strength not to kill your son's or daughter's mother then this is for you.

1. Remember you are not a mom. You can never be a woman nor should you try to compete with one in the parenting department. You are a dad. Do dad stuff. Don't EVER compare yourself to mommy. Not a fair comparison.

2. help out. Be as big a part of the child birthing process as you can. You can't push the baby out but you can encourage her. She is scared shitless dude....so even though you are to, you got to remain cool.

3. keep cool. Emotions are a sumabitch! and when they are on high with a woman Lord WATCH OUT. but you got to remain level headed and remember what she is going through. and not all the time is her negative energy directed towards you more so just the situation (it is temporary)

4. You will mess up. No one is perfect and you aren't going to mess up your child for the rest of their lives. Child are pretty strong and resilient. They bounce back really quickly. So if you are trying your best then you are doing a great job. Alawys ask for help. It does take a village.

5. Be you. Becoming a father doesn't mean you think different. Just gives you different things to think about. So if you are someone who likes going to the movies or listening to Tupac. Once you have a child that doesn't change. Just got to listen to 'Pac with headphones while the baby is sleeping rather than blasting it like you used to.

6. Communicate. The biggest hurdle you may face as a dad is actually the relationship with the other parent. As a rule kids pretty much adore you for no reason, just because of who you are. But being a dad can become a nightmare if you are competing with mom or vice versa. Parenting is not a contestt, its a partnership. You have to give a little and she has to as well. If not it will create a tension that is very much not necessary or condusive to good parenting.

*climbing down off soapbox*

Take Care

Now we have spoken about women enough today. Now lets talk about something a bit more important: you. Yes you. Besides pornography and alcohol what does your life really consist of? Are you active in your community? Do you strive to better yourself and those around you? Have you ever been outside the United States of America? If the answers to these questions are a resounding NO then realize you are probably :the average guy.


This blog is not about being average. It is about being better. To do same thing and expect different results is insane. When you work on being the best YOU, then you can attract the best HER. If your female selection is very farce then it might be a small indication of what is going on in YOUR life. Sorry the entire blog can't be about women.

Oh by the way this is called "taking responsibility for your situation and implementing change" (i.e. being proactive about your life)

READ. More than the sports section of the NY TIMES. (and please read the Times). Pick up a book on politics, art, fashion something you are interested in....and learn more. It is simple and will expand how you look at more than your barnes and noble membership.

WORK OUT. Physical exercise helps with stress and overall well being. Running is something you can do without a gym membership and is a great way to lose weight. You will have to wake up earlier but it will help you feel more productive about your day. Join a gym and consistently go. You would be surprised how quickly going to the gym becomes addictive and part of your routine.

EAT BETTER. A lot the medical problems many people face can be traced back to lack of a good diet. Don't eat fast food often, stay away from caffine and alcohol as much as possible. Don't smoke. Cook your own food. Eat vegs and fruits. Drink water. This is not rocket science. You know that grilled chicken salad will be better than that bacon cheese burger as a lunch option.

Women are more naturally inclined to take care of themselves: manicure, pedicures, facials. It is a physcially thing but also a physiological thing. We men need follow suite and try to pay more attention to US. Ever wonder why women live longer then men? Its not because of more orgasms....

The Other Woman

I would just like to preface todays entry by saying that this blog will not just consist of rantings about women. We will get into finance, health and general behavior to help your overall male well being. But since we can link almost all those things to women....well you get the point. Lets get all this shit out first.

So in the never ending quest to decipher the enigma of "woman" we have come to the most over looked tool in their comprehension: another woman. Yup, that's right another woman is the best way to understand another woman. Now before I continue I must explain how you use a woman (not like a pimp uses a woman) to help you better yourself and your interactions with them. If you are married or in a serious relationship and you have a good female friend whom you talk to about EVERYTHING going on with you and your women understand she probably has thought about sleeping with you. At some point she has envisioned what your penis looks like. Just except that.

Now since most women know how most women think your current wife/girlfriend will probably not like you hanging around said woman too much. Married couples really don't have too many "single" friends anymore. Married men have to have other married men friends and women. This is all probably blowing your mind but stick with me this is all going somewhere.

If you are single the same rules apply however sleeping with your female friend is a bit more difficult because you are more "available" and your "homegirl" knows just how much of a whore you are.

Now how do you use all this to your advantage? You must make this other woman "visible", meaning your girlfriend/wife must be aware of her....on her radar. She might not like it but it will keep her "sharp". Now most women know men see other women...they don't like it but they live with it. Women are brave that way. You as a man need to reassure her that despite constantly having this other woman in your immediate space your only natural concern is her. This is called "affirmation". Women need this every once in a while, it is like an "ataboy" but for women.
It is like hearing "wow you have a huge penis" every few months....nice to hear no?

So pick some random event, party, social gathering that you and your wife/girlfriend can both enjoy and that said "other woman" frequents. Now your wife/girlfriend will immediately "perk up" once "other woman" walks into the room. You won't notice this at all, you are a guy and are immune. It is like trying to hear a dog whistle. Once the two are in the same vicinity all you have to do is concentrate all your energy on your wife/girlfriend. Completely ignore said "other woman". That 's it.

Now this seems quite arbitrary and unrelated to being emotionally in tune with your wife/girlfriend. But you are thinking like a man.....stop that! For a woman you have just proved in those 2 hours: 1. This other woman means nothing to you 2. Your wife/girlfriend looks way better 3. You love her.

Now the three years you have spent together supporting one another and this one night where you just stare at your wife/girlfriends breasts as apposed to the 40 other pair in the room hold equal weight.

I know you are trying to rationalize this.....and I implore you to stop as this blog was not intended to cause migraine headaches. The beautiful thing about all this? The "other woman" will sense that she has not gotten your attention ONCE all night. She will surmise you are a good boyfriend/husband, you will become MORE attractive to her and thoughts of your penis will consume her. Its a win-win dude.....you're welcome!

Lost in Translation

"No, this trick won't work...How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love?" - Albert Einstein


So....you say you wanna figure women out huh? Well sir join the freaking club: member since 1981. Since the dawn of man the question as to "why" or "how" a woman does things has baffled more minds than a few. Seriously I have inquired to both men and women a like about the fallacies and inaccuracies that plague the female mind and both have drawn a blank which leads me to believe that women are on some different shit that we men will NEVER understand EVER!

And I am not talking about the normal baffling questions: "Do you think I look fat?". Listen guys let me de-funk this for you: yes she does look fat and she knows you look fat otherwise she would not have asked the question. It is sort of like asking "Think the Yankees will win it all this year? Obviously if you asked you have doubts....

She asked you that question guys to see what you were going to say. I don't know where in the history of mankind this became the national pastime for women but it has gained amazing popularity since the dawn of creation: "Hey Adam, you want a fruit salad?"

Women are constantly thinking, about everything, including what you are thinking. And because women pride themselves on being extremely clever they try to indirectly ask you questions to see what your reactions are and based on that surmise why you exist on the planet. It is all really simple. The usual question of "what are you thinking" annoys the hell out of men *hint, hint*. So women will try to ask the very same question in a round about way

But before I continue, women, seriously...if someone asked you "what are you thinking/on your mind" everytime you guys got around one another wouldn't you want to slap them? Sure guys aren't communicative and we "close up" but it is 5:25....I walked in the house at 5:00pm....maybe I dunno 6:45 might be a better time to find out my inner most thoughts and desires? Just food for thought....

So when you hear a question, that breaks you out of the self induced stooper you have put yourself in while watching the game, of "what do you think about the Roberts getting a divorce after a year". Please translate that to: "I'd like your thoughts on marriage and divorce to see how yours and mine match up". Not "lets talk about some random people I only see at the laundry and try to avoid". Come on guys get on the ball! Its simple!

THE GREATEST MAN SONG EVER

For obvious reasons......if you are a man and don't like this song...question yourself:

What I Know About Women

Now I haven't been around the block that long...as you can tell from my hip speech and witty commentary; I am a pretty young guy. I am wise none the less but doing my best to escape the 30 year old marker coming up in a few years. But in my short time here on this planet I have a massed a small plethora of knowledge on different topics and subjects. Politics, money, love, yes....i said it the L word. It is not impossible to witness love in the hands of a male. Very much an emotion and not just a word to be thrown around it needs its own channel on cable....but to say i am an expert on love would be an egregious error. But I do know a bit about the interactions between men and women as I have been in a few. And this is what I have a massed so far:


1. Women are emotional. Point blank. Period. Just accept it and move on with your life. If you ever try to decipher or change this fact you might as well try to move the Brooklyn Bridge by yourself as well. Good luck. Women and men think differently but emotionally aren't THAT far from one another. I don't really care if you are dating a biker chick....if you two "connect" (i.e. she has more than 3 orgasms with you) then even in her own biker-chick way she will show you she cares (i.e. robbing someone and giving you all the proceeds) and you need to reciprocate this otherwise you are a bastard.

2. Women need complements. Like fish need water and birds need to fly. Now this is not a negative. It is just a reassurance thing. And in fact everyone needs to hear good things about themselves every now an again. Women are no different. If you told your wife/girlfriend she was beautiful every day it would start to get old quick. Im sure she is not "a ray of light" at 5:30 in the morning. Most people aren't. But if you notice her out the corner of your eye and the thought crosses your mind how cute she is, tell her. Free blowjobs for a week! Im speaking from experience people! Isn't it great when your boss tells you how well you did on a project? Rather than how late you always are? Same thing. *This works both way ladies, guys like complements as well. Genuine ones. Not the generic "thats the biggest I have ever seen" lies you usually tell us*





3. You pay. Women are very empowered now adays. They don't need a man to do anything for them. Except move heavy furniture, kill bugs and rats and figure out what that "rattling noise" is in their car. Ever notice how if you are with a woman and there is something wrong with her car she will automatically assume YOU know what it is? Like it is just man law you are part mechanic? But I guess men do the same thing when we assume women can cook if they also know how to breathe....touche.

But being the "man" of a relationship gets a bit tiring and exhausting. So when a woman can relinquish some of those responsibilities to her partner and just well be a woman and taken care of? Well she will do so EVERYTIME hands down...I don't care if she is the queen of Sheeba. At the end of the day she wants a man to be there for her and make her feel protected and safe. Like she doesn't have to worry about anything in the world because "he got it". That being said don't let her pay for anything (esp on a first date). Make sure





4. Women want to be whores. Now before I receive backlash comments about this statement being sexist (because it is) let me explain. Women, despite their most well put together front, are very sexual beings. They think about sex just as much as men if not more. But due to what society says they should or shouldn't be like many women suppress this part of themselves for fear of being labeled a "whore" "skank" "slut" etc, etc....

Now many women only reveal the inner sexual deviant when comfortable with someone or when really aroused. Now women are aroused by intellect, character, AND a nice ass. Where as men might only need one of these for intercourse to happen. To surmise this into an example:

Woman A. Is God fearing. She is a mother and she is highly respected by her peers and in her community. She is also human and has a boring sex life. She read tons of Zane novels to live out the sexual fantasies she knows she is to chicken to carry out. Said woman goes on a cruise with her sister and low and behold *insert male sex object*





is also on said cruise. It has been tabloid news that he has recently broken up with his long time Hollywood girlfriend.

Now Woman A is completely IN LOVE with said mail sex object. You put them both in a room together, with drinks and opportunity...added to the fact that she is on vacation. Well woman A might turn into a stripper for 45 mins. Why? Is it because she is really a nymphomaniac? Perhaps. But she is moreso human. Given the right opportunity and environment, well just about anything can happen.

But back to my point: your wife/girlfriend isn't secretly moonlighting at Scores. But she probably does have sexual fantasies and desires you don't know about. Talk to her, see what she might be holding back. You would be surprised at what you might find: an inner freak! Remember the more comfortable a woman is (like anyone) the more likely she'll be to open up. Explore. And deep down that's what she really wants to do anyway...you just have to be the lucky schmuck she deems worthy to receive it.

5. Size matters.

We'll stop here as you probably need to ingest this enlightening information. As these small jewels float around your mind today remember that these are generalities and don't apply in all instances. Could you girlfriend but a bonafide whore and not really suppressing her urges? Sure...but if you are dating a whore, well brother you got bigger problems this blog just won't solve. Thanks.....

The Bitch and A Dog

So apparently you have had sex with more than 10 women in your life.....super. Not exactly Wilt Chamberlain numbers but you have been around the block a few times. Now 10 sounds like a pretty round number no? If you add in how many times you have actually had sex with each woman well you could have had sex more than 100 times......but relax cowboy John Holmes you are not. Now imagine if you met a nice young lady and you were dumb enough to ask her a question like...I dunno "hey how many times have you had sex before us"? An answer like 100 times comes up.....your immediate reaction? WHORE WHORE!!! delete delete.

Thank you ladies and gentlemen you have just witnessed the "double standard". In the paradigm of men and women there are unique double standards that sort of dictate and move the dynamics of male/female relationships. At certain times we fight against these upspoken rules...while at other times we are thankful for them because they allow a perfect deflection from any type of ownership of otherwise negative behavior.


For example if you are a woman you are tired of men gawking at your the minute you wear anything closely hugging your body. You like looking good but don't like feeling like a fish in a fishbowl. It is uncomfortable. Now here is the question that will blow your mind: If you wear something that you think you look "good" in and get not ONE man to look, stare or give notice would you wear it again?

This is the unique double standard in rare form.

Guys doesn't it bug you that women feel that just because you are a guy you are suppose to know how to "fix" stuff? That because you were born with a penis you have this innate ability to be handy with some power tools? I mean where in the man handbook did they teach us that? But here's YOUR question, and be honest, how many guys would date a female carpartner/mechanic that new more than you did about fixing stuff and was always showing you how to do things? Hmmm......?

Im sure the people reading this blog is that 1 percent that says they wouldn't care but lets talk about the other 99 percent. Even though we complain about the double standards we encourage them and abide by them all the time. Why? because when we have a game plan, a rule book to tell us kind of how things should work. Well it leave less room for confusion and we (men and women) have enough to think about with out the constant pressure of defining our role with the opposite sex. I am a man, i can have many sexual partners and it is ok. You are a woman, you can cry and be emotional and are to only date one person at a time if you would like to keep your good name. Those are rules. I didn't make them up....they just are. Like the rain and shit.

Men are dogs. Women can be bitches. Deal with it. If you don't like it then guys let your woman fix your car and take out the garbage. Women if there is a mouse or waterbug in your kitchen kill it yourself and if you see your man crying at movies and while watching oprah.....have sex with him cause he is turning you on and not forcing you to say to yourself...."God he acts like a bitch.".....

Its the little things

So.....seems like the blog so far has been geared towards relationships huh? Well....seeing as women and vagina probably motivate 90% of what men do...you can see how this could have transpired.

If every woman on the planet disappeared haircuts would become a word used to describe a monthly trek to places called barbershops where old men congregate and talk about how nice it was when breasts roamed the streets. Haircuts would become the phrase used to describe the preventative measures taken to stop lice and mite from growing in your scalp. Casio wristwatches would turn into Rolexes as would Honda Civics and Totoya Camaries become Mercedes Benz and BMWs. Gym memberships would include walking to the store to buy food and using the bathroom too many times a day. Social attitudes would steer away from going out to eat, watching a good movie or bonus being 3% lower than last year. It would shift to more nostalgic topics like: "Remember when there were more choices than gay porno". Why? Well because the only people left on the planet to notice anything are a bunch of guys....translation: you could probably walk around with a chicken in your ass and it would be a week before someone politely asked to remove it because the bus is starting to smell like chicken shit....



DETAILS!! THE DEVIL IS IN THE DETAILS!!!

Women notice everything fellas and as creatures of habit we do not (truth hurts huh?). But that is fine. As long as you can embrace the fact and don't try to ignore it by pushing yourself to remember dates you don't care about, watch movies you can't stand or listen to conversations that make you want to rip your eyes out.
Women remember everything! Dates, events, social security numbers! Jesus! Ever ask a woman "hey went did we first kiss?" she probably has the time, place, and atmosphere tattooed on her forearm. Ask a guy? "Ummm.....summertime".

Sorry women we just aren't built that way. GET THE FUCK OVER IT. We don't get mad that you think a touchdown is when a pitcher hits the ball over the fence do we? (Acutally we do but that will be in another blog post for women). As sexes it behooves us to accept the differences between one another rather than trying to always fight to change them. If you accepted the other person for how they were rather than how you would like them to be it would bode for a lot more happier people.

But since we live in reality here is a small tip from YOURS TRULY to impress the shit out of your lady: The next time you two are out somewhere and she mentions she likes a pair of shoes or bag or anything make mental note (use a piece of paper if you have to) of where you guys are and the name of the store. A week from that day make sure the shoes, bag, whatever she pointed at, is in her bedroom. Done.

Women NEVER expect much of men so the fact that you were 1. listening 2 paying attention will blow her away. You can also do this with conversation if you are broke like I am. Try to concentrate on just ONE thing she says (this might take some practice and training) and just remember that ONE thing. Keep it to yourself and just bring it up out of the blue at dinner or something "Hey remember when you said xyz...". Again she will be shocked and amazed you 1. remember and 2 you were listening.

Now remeber all these suggestions on how you can be a better man are just suggestions and not to be taken as written law of how to act. (You got to gauge it genius) and this woman you are buying random shit for should be someone you really like. We got no love for hoes........

The Asshole Factor

So I have come to the conclusion that women only really go after you if you become a complete asshole. Nice guys (sorry if you are reading this) finish first in movies but in the matrix (i.e. reality?)....if shit stepped in you shit would wipe you off its foot.

Now does this mean you need to go out and start smacking women and calling them "bitches and hoes" to compensate for the evitable disappointment that will likely occur in your future attempts at relationships.....of course not! This isn't a rap video! You need to stop being nice all the damn time or learn when it is deemed necessary and when it is a complete handicap.

For example: If you treat a girl well, you get married, have a child together you find her cheating, go to court lose your house, your child and amass 50,000 in debt due to lawyer fees only to find out the child wasn't yours to begin with....this might be ground to not hit (we never want to go to jail) but shake the shit out of a woman. Or get your unruly girl cousins to beat her up.

On the other hand if you get a girl pregnant and you guys decide not to go forward with the baby and she asked you help her with the doctors fees or to come and be there for her....well do it. You helped her kind of be in that situation so she is probably scared. Don't be a heartless ass. (in this case)

These are both extremes but we need to set the paradigm about how you need to proceed. See women (yes I know it all) like most people test boundaries. Despite the clear indication of where they are made by their partners they will still feel the need to make sure they haven't mysteriously moved six inches away from the mainland like California does with each passing year. At work, at the gym you do things to see if anyone is going to check you on it. If they don't, cool. If they do well you know what not to do. So here is the thing with women: you MUST set your boundaries and stick to them. She HAS to know *what pisses you off and what doesn't and you can't waiver. If you don't like something SAY it, compromise is for suckers! Because while a certain amount of it is expected too much of it will have you wanting to shoot yourself in the foot, head, stomach....etc.

And you know the crazy thing? Women will RESPECT you more! The saddest thing in the world is to see a man not respected by his woman.....LORD!! She might as well just walk around punching him in the face all day. However if he puts his foot down, says no, grabs the back of her head and says "make me a sandwich" in a rough tone...he might get a blowjob! WOMEN GO FIGURE!

Every woman wants a guy with a backbone. If you didn't pick one up at Target during the holiday sale get one off ebay. But make sure you have one in your repertorie NYC regime. Just don't wear it on your sleeve as it will leave you exhausted emotionally. And dealing with another person can do that on its own. Women seem to gravitate towards people they deem strong than they are......men do to. So make sure your asshole tendencies are legit.

The Ex-Factor

So this was probably the most uneventful fourth of July in recent history. The over cast weather coupled with insane cost for well, just about everything made this very much a "staycation" weekend.....but even the staycations were wack. I am usually bombarded with a plethora of emails and text messages about barbecues, parties and get togethers for the long weekend....this fourth of July?? *crickets*.....

So anyway back to the blog so....ok sorry sidenote: man breasts. And before you become all homophobic please allow me to clarify my statement. While women hold the coveted title on vanity as we move into the 21st century more of us guys are also paying attention to how we present ourselves. Now while we won't walk around half Manhattan for shoes that will hurt our feet JUST to show up some bitch we don't like from accounting we still tend to try to keep ourself presentable if for nothing else to attract the opposite sex. And it is for this reason I feel the need to comment and say, if you have man breasts 1. do not wear tight shirts. I wish I had utlitized my camera phone and took a picture of the pair of knockers i saw on the V train last week....what the fuck? The dude could have breast a small infant and 2. Do not i repeat DO NOT run or go jogging with no shirt on. This is just really disgusting. Whether in the gym or outside..put those two dilapidated things away.

This has been a public service announcement....

So upon speaking with a very close female friend of mine (as the female mind is an enigma that is in a constant shroud of mystery) trying to get her advice on women and how to understand them I had a moment of clairvoyance. If you are reading this blog and you are 18-24, ignore the next few lines.

If you are over the age of 25 and realize that 30 is literally waiting for you around the corner read on: Love (yes I said it!) is too much of a fleeting thing not to fight for it! And I will explain this comment shortly before people start to question my manhood.

At this age (25-32) shit you did at 20 just isn't cool anymore. As you get older you realize that not calling a girl you REALLY like so that you appear "cool" is well....kinda dumb. (Women this kind of works for you as well. Since there is no good guys out there apparently if you find one stalk him and don't be shy about it)

So you like a girl, but she hasn't called you but you don't want to "sweat" her.....if you really like her then why NOT call her? Why not show you are interested....think about it? You are pretty fucked either way because if she doesn't call you well you feel like an ass....but if you keep doing what you are doing...well you get where I am going don't you? Might as well try.

That being said if you are randomly having sex with some hottie from Jersey please do not call her right now and say you want to get "serious" or profess your love on her myspace page so that all her "friends" know who you are. No no no.. that is not what I mean. But if you have someone who you think you might want to actually take to meet your mother, don't just let her fade off into the sunset because you didn't use your cell phone after 9 o'clock. Don't be a *dick.


*should you reach out to said girl more than a few times express your interest, take her out etc....and get no response or she isn't consistently giving you the energy you give her?......cut her the (^!@(*#&* off.

The Man Show

As the inaugural blog post let me first say welcome. 10,000 feet: This blog is intentioned to be a haven for male ego, opinion and (gasp!) the occasional male emotional outbreak, however rare. 1000 feet: This blog is a refuge for people looking to get perspective from intelligent, caring, thoughtful men who also have voices that rarely are listened to and too often devalued! 100 feet: This blog is a unique way to give men advice and insight on the issues and concerns that we all have at times and the best way to handle them. 10 feet: This is a male relationship blog. 12 inches: This is my personal message board to bitch and moan should I feel the need. Enjoy.

Staycation

"Staycation" is a phrase coined by some genius marketing person to lend a descriptive phrase to the shared ideology of the country: "I ain't doing sh@!#"--> Due to increased gas prices, plane and movie tickets and general public consensus of a jacked up economy people are having a staycation for the 4th.....in their couches, on their porches and deep deep in their backyards, if they have one (they are scare in the concrete jungle).

Great! This means that when your girlfriend wants to go to the Jersey Shore to "hang out" or expects special "plans" because of the the holiday weekend you can gladly say "Hey I am broke and us going out is going to make it worse!" Right? Wrong!

Women are not thinking about the economy! They aren't worrying about gas prices, YOU drive! When is the last time she paid for a dinner? 1998? So who cares what the price of entrees are?

To the women who read this blog who do own cars, use them and give money to people who come and pick you up from far places, God bless you. To the rest of you bitches read on.

So as a MAN it is your job to plan something, but also your job as a decent human freakin' being to also make sure you can pay your light bill in a month. What do you do?

The only thing you can do in one of the worse economic climates in recent history: become creative. No one has more imagination than someone with no money and time. Go to your local prision and give an inmate a month a McGuyver survival package with 3 highlights, a match stick, two pens and a half a cheeca pet and he will make a weapon out of it with the ability to kill you in your sleep. Is it because he is inventive? Most likey he isn't even high school educated, but with enough time and lack of resources all sorts of wondrous things blossom!

Now that being said please don't develop weapons of mass destruction to start killing your annoying girlfriends in their sleeps. We don't want to harbour bad karma here but we do want to let you know that free events, movies, plans, and things in general are the almost sure fire way to remain "the man" and keep yourself from smacking your $$$ insensitive partner for being alive.....

Fireworks --> the fourth of July is always a great freebie. Pick a spot. Get a good view and enjoy the romantic, thoughtful, sappy moment you have just created! The fourth of july Macy fireworks is a great way to be romantic/thoughtful without doing too much. Make some peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches and bring a cheap bottle of wine. Presto! Instant thoughtfulness.
Now the best thing to do is pretend you don't have anything planned and invite her to make a "store run" with you....drive around until you get to the place you picked out and walk out to find a nice little spot.

My next post will probably be about children so please use condoms! Your Welcome!